The Highs and the Lows

It's just one of those times. But not. I don't know what I want to write about anymore. I work make money pay bills, do school work. It's a part of life but right now life seems so disconnected. That word, seems, is thrown around way to much.

Well I'm dropping a course, just so i can survive.

Life isn't bad. It's more like a rollercoaster, and i'm at the point where I'm so nervous and excited that i want to throw up. It's a bittersweet thing.

I've also realized that I've built up this wall around myself. I've created a hard exterior, a shell trying to keep people out. I'm not like that, not at all. I've always been very open with people because I want people to be open with me. I've been a hypocrite in so many ways. Geez.

Things need to change, things are going to change....

I'm finding out who God is again. My whole life is a story that testifies the truness of God. I've learned that he loves taking our mistakes, goofs, and imperfections to make something good happen. God isn't a fad. He's real. Concrete. Firm. And I have the audacity to think that I know so much.

I'm eating some big humble pie right now. Instead of feeling complete humiliation, I feel relief. I haven't been honest with myself, or with God. I think now, this moment would be a good time to start! This may be hard, but I'm ready to do whats right! "Sometimes the hard thing, and the right thing are the same."

Well this day isn't done, maybe I'll have more to babble on about.

It's been a couple days. A few shows and a whole lot of other thoughts ideas and words that i really don't want to write about right now.

Saw the Bravery with Alyssa. It was a total blast. Made some new band friends (i guess)

Worked some today, made some money, learned some more about myself. Grew up a little bit. Bit my tongue. Got frustrated, laughed, stared, yearned. It's been interesting.

Life is good, confusing at times, but nonetheless I will survive this barren wasteland. lol

Mom is in the hospital under a lot of stress. Yet everything is normal. I'm happy. I know it's going to be alright.

It's still frustrating. It's my parents anniversary tomorrow. Lord please be with her!

Northern Weather

I hate New English weather. I hate it when every school around us is canceled and we still have school. I practically swam to school today.

ahh what am I complaining about. I got a delay. And I did have fun flooring it through those puddles!!

I just hope it doesn't freeze

Umm Life

I wanted to write but the words just don't seem to come.

Worked eight hours...and now I'm home. Life isn't has bad as I've dared to let myself believe. In fact I need to see how good life really is for me.

I think I'm just selfish and I want so many things to be the way that I want them. I'm breaking free (or trying to break free from these thoughts)

We'll see what happens but life won't get the best of me. I'm learning the meaning of what it means to "lean on God" and not on my own understanding of things. I'm as unsettled as the ocean on a stormy day.

Well that's all for now...

i'm tired...yet happy. today has been a good day.

i guess it's not about happiness anymore is it..

This made me laugh

College is a very lonely place...

I'm surprised that i didn't crash on my way to school this morning. i had so much energy and then when i got the car it just vanished. i want to go back to bed....

Daily Lives

Life can be one big mind game.

Today has been going very well. I've missed a couple homework assignments, but they will be the last assignments that I miss.

Learned about magnetism in Phys. Science today. Didn't have to take any notes just watched her show us all the magnets and what they do. Also talked about earth's magnetism. Tis sweet.

Then Nick B and I hung out played some basketball, and talked about life, love, and the pursuit of happiness. He's kicking some old habits and going through some change in his life. I was really impressed he really wants to improve on his life. Best of luck to you man. I'm praying for you.

Just another vague statement to my already long list of vague statements but sometimes there is beauty to be found in pain. I don't mean you go and experience all sorts of pain to find something good in it. But when pain comes our way, we are forced to grow whether negatively or positively. We become better or worse, weaker or stronger, but ultimately we learn something new about ourselves.

"Tis better to have loved and lost
Then to have never loved at all."

i thought about ending it all a couple times this weekend.

I need help

i don't know if i'll be in a position to succeed. i have so much work to do, and some of it i have no idea what to do. i'm just hurting myself. i have no focus. i have to beat myself to get to work. i hate myself.