The Island

Just some more pictures from Nantucket!!

I won't get into a war of words.

Finding God at work in the secret places

Bowling was good. babysitting was good. learning to breathe a little bit. life doesn't get any easier. but I'm making it, by the grace of God I am making it!

It's hard. thoughts, feelings, memories. One by one they flash on the screen of my mind. Laying them to rest isn't easy. They'll be there. Like a shadow, maybe. Yet, God continues to dig deeper into those parts of my life, and I won't stop him. I won't fight him. He'll do what he needs too.

I'm growing in ways that I never thought were possible.

It's exciting...

Moving On

I'm going to be leaving home in the next couple of months. I've been working hard saving money. Life has been an adventure lately. An amazing wonderful, tough, grinding adventure. I'm working hard. Maybe putting to much energy into working, instead of doing my school work.

Many things have changed. Many things...

ugh not much sleep last night! But I got done what needed to be done. There was no focus last night, and i could give you my list of maybes, but I won't.

So I decided that where ever I go my camera isn't far from me. I've been taking some pictures of just everything.

Song of the Day: Don't Get Comfortable by Brandon Heath

Sex

Sex is a liar!! Or what the world sells as sex is a lie.

Sex is not everything. When taken out of the right context, it is a monster.

This world has taken everything that is sacred and made it into a game. To the few who hold greater values, holdfast and hold hard. They're taking the things that are sacred away.

Love isn't even sacred anymore.

i have papers to write and here I am ranting about my own sin. It's time to let it go...

Daniel you are forgiven! Alyssa you are forgiven!

I have all this work to do and I don't know where to start.

I messed up and that's distracting me.

I feeling a bit lonely.

Ok God I'm listening!

What Direction!?

I've been hanging in there. Monday's are my rough days. Not a lot of sleep and four classes. I'm not happy with school. I try and try to motivate myself. I feel like this is not where i'm supposed to be right now. I know deep down that I want to finish college, yet I have no motivation. Something just doesn't feel right.

I'm thinking of taking a year off and just working.

Then start back up. I'm also looking at transferring. This are just goals or inputs into where i think i'm heading. I'm just setting goals and seeing if it coincides with God's plan.

I don't want to jump the gun like last time. But I know that I don't want to be too cautious. I'm praying about everything, and trying to get as much advise and input as I can.

It's easy to get depressed and overwhelmed by it all, yet i remember that I'm going to be taken care of. And I have so many options. Wait and see for now...come summertime something will be happening. I guarantee it!

Thats all for now. Peace!!

I'm so very tired, and I really don't want to be in class right now.

Will write more later...

The Highs and the Lows

It's just one of those times. But not. I don't know what I want to write about anymore. I work make money pay bills, do school work. It's a part of life but right now life seems so disconnected. That word, seems, is thrown around way to much.

Well I'm dropping a course, just so i can survive.

Life isn't bad. It's more like a rollercoaster, and i'm at the point where I'm so nervous and excited that i want to throw up. It's a bittersweet thing.

I've also realized that I've built up this wall around myself. I've created a hard exterior, a shell trying to keep people out. I'm not like that, not at all. I've always been very open with people because I want people to be open with me. I've been a hypocrite in so many ways. Geez.

Things need to change, things are going to change....

I'm finding out who God is again. My whole life is a story that testifies the truness of God. I've learned that he loves taking our mistakes, goofs, and imperfections to make something good happen. God isn't a fad. He's real. Concrete. Firm. And I have the audacity to think that I know so much.

I'm eating some big humble pie right now. Instead of feeling complete humiliation, I feel relief. I haven't been honest with myself, or with God. I think now, this moment would be a good time to start! This may be hard, but I'm ready to do whats right! "Sometimes the hard thing, and the right thing are the same."

Well this day isn't done, maybe I'll have more to babble on about.

It's been a couple days. A few shows and a whole lot of other thoughts ideas and words that i really don't want to write about right now.

Saw the Bravery with Alyssa. It was a total blast. Made some new band friends (i guess)

Worked some today, made some money, learned some more about myself. Grew up a little bit. Bit my tongue. Got frustrated, laughed, stared, yearned. It's been interesting.

Life is good, confusing at times, but nonetheless I will survive this barren wasteland. lol

Mom is in the hospital under a lot of stress. Yet everything is normal. I'm happy. I know it's going to be alright.

It's still frustrating. It's my parents anniversary tomorrow. Lord please be with her!

Northern Weather

I hate New English weather. I hate it when every school around us is canceled and we still have school. I practically swam to school today.

ahh what am I complaining about. I got a delay. And I did have fun flooring it through those puddles!!

I just hope it doesn't freeze

Umm Life

I wanted to write but the words just don't seem to come.

Worked eight hours...and now I'm home. Life isn't has bad as I've dared to let myself believe. In fact I need to see how good life really is for me.

I think I'm just selfish and I want so many things to be the way that I want them. I'm breaking free (or trying to break free from these thoughts)

We'll see what happens but life won't get the best of me. I'm learning the meaning of what it means to "lean on God" and not on my own understanding of things. I'm as unsettled as the ocean on a stormy day.

Well that's all for now...

i'm tired...yet happy. today has been a good day.

i guess it's not about happiness anymore is it..

This made me laugh

College is a very lonely place...

I'm surprised that i didn't crash on my way to school this morning. i had so much energy and then when i got the car it just vanished. i want to go back to bed....

Daily Lives

Life can be one big mind game.

Today has been going very well. I've missed a couple homework assignments, but they will be the last assignments that I miss.

Learned about magnetism in Phys. Science today. Didn't have to take any notes just watched her show us all the magnets and what they do. Also talked about earth's magnetism. Tis sweet.

Then Nick B and I hung out played some basketball, and talked about life, love, and the pursuit of happiness. He's kicking some old habits and going through some change in his life. I was really impressed he really wants to improve on his life. Best of luck to you man. I'm praying for you.

Just another vague statement to my already long list of vague statements but sometimes there is beauty to be found in pain. I don't mean you go and experience all sorts of pain to find something good in it. But when pain comes our way, we are forced to grow whether negatively or positively. We become better or worse, weaker or stronger, but ultimately we learn something new about ourselves.

"Tis better to have loved and lost
Then to have never loved at all."

i thought about ending it all a couple times this weekend.

I need help

i don't know if i'll be in a position to succeed. i have so much work to do, and some of it i have no idea what to do. i'm just hurting myself. i have no focus. i have to beat myself to get to work. i hate myself.

General Thoughts

so i'm letting confidence run my life instead of fear.

last night i got a little distracted. i still go the homework done, but i really should be more on top of things. i know i'm going to work hard

three classes today. All i have left is French Revolution...which is interesting to say the least. The Prof. is a real history freak.

gas prices are going down but still suck...
Lyss is going to Arizona...for the Super Bowl.
I'm going to miss the Super Bowl with my family because I'll be working. But hey gotta do what you gotta do.

My favorite color is red and green.

Altogether a normal day. Do I always start my days where i think something extraordinary is going to happen?

Hmm we'll see what God does. I can never predict what he's up too.

Didn't think that I would make it this far in my day. I was so sick this morning. 4 classes down and one to go. My day has gone by so fast. Well it's not over yet.

New job: working at TGIF's! I'm excited to say the least.

I've really been working hard this semester and it's only the first couple weeks. It's good...gotta keep working hard.

I've realized, that as much as I look forward to the future that I'm right where i'm supposed to be. Getting college done, working hard to make some money, paying off bills, helping the family, being a good friend, being a good boyfriend. Things are looking up.

I am tired though...

FUCK BEING SICK!! FUCK IT!!!

Thinking is a bitch.

I know, I just know.......can I be more vague? I'm so damn vague.

I want to do something great! Then walk off into the sunset.

hello...

Excited

I live a good life. I live an exciting life. I really don't know where to start. I guess I'm writing just to take up space. There is a lot on my mind. Good things.

Things are moving, pieces are falling into place. I'm done worrying about the things I can't control. Responsibility is taking hold. It's all just a jumble in my mind.

Dear Lord,
Take me one step at a time. One day at a time.
Thank you for every gift you give.

One of those moments

It's just one of those moments, where I don't feel like I'm any good at all. Thank God they don't last.

I'm very bored.

No Secrets

I'm like a book. You can open me up and read everything about me. Almost everything.

My feelings can be so contrary to what I know.

I'm a little frustrated. But this is the last time I'll feel like this or bring this up: I'm frustrated because I know that I hurt Lyss deeply. I don't like it. It happened, I grew, it hurt. Maybe I understand just a tiny piece of what she went through. I remember that night or that month thinking of every promise I broke, every single one!!
I just want to be at that place where she knows that I'm not leaving. It's not fair but it's what I brought upon myself.

Dear Lord,
Just help me. Because I still beat myself up for things that are in the past. I know I'm forgiven, I know I'm loved. Help me to forgive myself, help me to love myself. Tell Lyss that I love her. Thanks for sending someone who wants to stand by me in this life. Help me to grow better and stronger. When I can't be strong remind me to lean on you, and the people that you put in my life.

So I know what the truth is: I'm forgiven! I am loved. Period.

ummm ok. It seems like i'm the only guy in my English Lit. class. Am I even in the right class? This is going to be awkward if this isn't the right class. This is going to awkward if it is the right class. lol Hmm a little help here God.
Ok now there are two guys....total. Feeling a little bit better.

Should be an interesting day.

One Day at a Time

Hmm so first day of classes and in my first class and the prof. isn't there. Oh well, I won't lose any sleep about it. Next class is Physical Science. I hope that will be interesting. Regardless I plan on doing well in all my classes. I didn't give my best last semester; this semester will be different.

I might have my old job back. Which in a way is surprising. I'll admit that I've been ashamed of myself for how I handled the situation. Sometimes grace works both ways: it humbles you and it also gives you things that you don't deserve. I am grateful. I will be better. With God's help.

I have been worried about Lyss this week. She's under a lot of stress. I know, I just know that she's going to be alright. It's hard for me though to see her like this. All I want to do is hold her and tell her yeah it sucks, but it's only temporary. "We're gonna make it"

One thing I've noticed is that I've become more positive again. Honestly, though it may be a new development. I can be positive but me, inside my mind, I can be so negative. There is so much to learn, so much time to grow. But I'll try not to let it overwhelm me, and take life one day at a time. Focus on the important things. God, family, loved ones, friends, school, work. Work hard giving 100%. Also allow other people to help me. That other people want to help and I want to help them.

I don't have to know everything, I don't have to be everything. I can be me! The person that God created me to be. Life can be stressful, but when I see all that I have, and all that I will be, it's not bad at all. One day at a time...one day at a time!

This IS AWESOME!!

Unpredictable

Life is wondrous! It's hard to fathom how things can fall together so perfectly when they could easily tumble out of control. I'm short on money but somehow I'm getting through every week with things pulling through. I know it's God. I just know because it's too perfect. Things have been coming together at the perfect timing.
Being back with Lyss has been replenishing. It's something special, something unique. Something I just couldn't walk away from. She amazes me. I've never seen such loyalty in someone. Never! It's such a blessing that I don't have to worry about anything with her.
Life is hard but I wouldn't have things any other way! Because at the same time life is good and so complete!

insecurity is a weakness of mine!

Ignorance is bliss!!

There is no doubt in my mind that I'm right where i'm supposed to be.

I've been bored lately. Of course i welcome it. Because as soon as school starts I'll be wishing that I was bored instead of being so busy. It should be a good semester. I'm keeping a good attitude. I just want to improve on last semester and I'm willing to do that. I'm excited for a new year.

Interesting twist: I'm back with Lyss!